Thursday, January 31, 2008

Where's the Nearest Vent? I Need One!

The last 30 minutes of my life were a little bit hectic.

Oh wow, even just sitting here and getting ready to type...I feel so relieved already. Maybe I shouldn't tell the last little whiles happenings.'s kind of funny.

My day had, up until 1:30, been perfect. Here's what took place:

Went to the gym
Had breakfast with Abi (Connor had already eaten)
Gotten Connor, Abi & Carly dressed
Helped Abi with the Shape Sorter
Made the beds & straightened the bedrooms
Fed Carly
Cleaned up the family room
Sat down and watched "Word World" with the kids
Washed and folded 3 loads of laundry
Ate some of Connor's pretend chips
Checked my email
Made a menu & grocery shopping list
Put all three kids down for naps

Okay, so Todd comes home for lunch every single day. It's nice to have him here to break up the day. It makes it go by much faster. He arrived today, like any other day, at noon. On the dot (he is a very prompt & reliable guy).

One thing, you may have noticed, was that I had not gotten myself ready for the day. So when Todd arrived we had our usual greetings and he asked if I was going to eat lunch (I usually have bread or something out and ready to eat or make). I told him I wasn't hungry, I was considering taking a shower (for the first time since Sunday...yuck...I know. Em I have been trying hard to take your advice, but I am just lousy at it). He said he'd listen for the kids.

I loved my super duper hot shower. You know the kind where it's so hot, when you step out of the shower, it still feels warm. It was fantastic.

I brought my make-up upstairs to visit with Todd while "putting my face on." He mentioned that he had seen my grocery list and the menu. We had $100 taped to the fridge to spend on groceries. Todd said, "There is no way you are going to get all of the stuff on your list for $100." He had obviously been living in Hawaii for too long.

Taking the kids to the grocery store would take me over the edge. So Todd and I began discussing when a good time would be to go to the grocery store. I had to go tonight...we needed food. But Todd has Cub Scouts tonight.

During this discussion Ike came home and heard Todd ask:

"Where are you going to do the grocery shopping"


" can't go to Harmon's. We can't shop there."

I know the then he goes into this whole story to Ike as to why we can't shop at Harmon's....which then led into a story of why we won't fly American Airlines. I knew this story would take forever, so I said:

"I will go to Smith's right now...this story will take at least an hour and it won't take me that long to do the shopping."

I reminded Todd that the kids were all in bed and he said "see ya" as he went into his/our American Airlines story.

So I went to the Smith's closest to our home. I got a great parking spot by the front of the store and next to the cart return. I love those spots. As I was entering the store, I saw my reflection in the glass door. I wanted to turn around right then and go home.

I was wearing high-waters. Yeah, my pants were totally above my ankles and you could clearly see my HUSBANDS white socks (his are warmer and perfect for this wintery weather. Normally my pants cover the socks, so it isn't so noticeable(don't worry, the heels don't bulge out of the back, they fit fine). I thought (in anger) to myself, "Why hasn't anybody told me that I look like a total idiot in these pants."

I quickly got through my grocery shopping. I swear it was AARP day at Smith's. The sweet lady in front of me slowly unloaded her cat food, depends and toilet paper onto the rotating belt. I didn't mind that it took a while. This was a nice break for me. I could catch up on all the gossip in Hollywood by reading the magazine headlines.

Someone came to help the cute cat lady out of the store, and I walked up to the little stand where you sign things. I smiled and talked to the cashier. I started to load the items she was bagging into my cart, when I noticed that there was a package of Depends in a bag. I grabbed the bag and ran after the cute old lady in my high-water pants. I may look like a dork...but I'm a dork with a big heart ready to save the day!

When I returned the cashier gave me my total....$68! I couldn't wait to go home and show Todd the receipt. And I got a ton of stuff that wasn't on the list. I LOVE grocery shopping on the mainland. I loaded everything into the van and journeyed home.

When I walked into the house, I was greeted by Connor who said, "Hi Mommy. OOOOHHH! favorite." Yeah, I bought he and Ike Toaster Strudels...they weren't on the list. I love that cute little boy with his messy face and his droopy diaper. He was happy, so I was happy.

Todd helped me bring in the last few bags and I asked how things were. He said great (as I surveyed the "Guess Who" game taken apart and strewn about the living room). I know I asked him to watch the kids, but that doesn't mean "watch them tear the house, that I just cleaned this morning, apart."

I started putting the groceries away when I noticed Connor opening a candybar...that I had bought for his dad. So I quickly took it from him and said "this is for your daddy...I owe it to him." I handed it to Todd and he had just the cutest and happiest expression on his face. It made me feel good. But after the next few events that took place, I don't think he deserved it.

Todd told me he needed to get back to work, so I said "Thanks" and "good-bye." He flipped on the baby monitor...I heard a whaling little baby Carly.

I ran down as fast as I could to get her, and I heard a crying Abi. At that point, it was no big deal. They could have both just woken up.

When I went in to get Abi, the smell was overwhelming. Then I saw what was on her face and hands. I quickly put Carly into her swing and went back to get Abi. She had a poopy diaper and (because of the super cute outfit she was wearing that doesn't involve a onesie) had stuck her hands down her pants and wiped her face, blankets and crib with it.

The thoughts in my head began swirling (these are all sarcastic, okay...I'm really not this mean...maybe I m if I actually had these thoughts...oh well, I never said any of it out loud)...Todd wasn't even watching the kids. Because of me going to the grocery store, I had now just created more work for myself. If I had never left, I would have felt that motherly instinct when Carly cried and she wouldn't have been wailing for hours (hours...I was only gone for 30 minutes and she most likely had just woken up because of the horrid smell coming from across the hall). I also would have heard Abi (no one can hear Abi when she wakes up unless you are right outside her door, or if she is pounding on the file cabinet...that's another story) and retrieved her from her bed before she could have stuck her hands down her pants and eaten poop (I was sure, at this point, that she had eaten her poopies. There is nothing irrational here, except for maybe an irrational me).

I whisked Abi up and ran upstairs to start the tub. I began running the water, it felt fine when I ran my hand under it. I began unclothing Abi (I could hear Carly screaming from being put back in her swing against her wishes) and then placed her in the tub. At the same time the nerves in my hands screamed "OUCH!!!! THIS IS HOT!!!" so did Abi. I cuddled her in my lap and wanted to cry myself, I felt so bad. Then Todd had to come in (thankfully he was holding Carly, so she was no longer crying) and he had to put in his two cents on how I burn Abi all the time (I'm being sarcastic again...just writing how I felt...mostly beating myself up) and how I am such a bad mom (see above). She had clung to my shirt with her poopy hands and soaked my stupid pants with her squishy little bottom. That's okay...I gotta chuck those pants.

I ran some cold water with the scalding water and she calmed down. I got her bathed and when my mind came to, I looked into the hall and saw the Jenga game scattered on the floor, as well as the Uno game. AAUUGGHH!!! Watching the kids involves WATCHING the kids. Not just letting them do what they want to. Just one more thing for me to clean up.

Todd left after I got Abi dressed. I was fuming. I stormed around the house cleaning up the games (which I should have made Connor clean-up...he made the mess after all). I got Abi in her high-chair to eat a very healthy lunch of chips and chocolate milk (something healthier will come along later. I really wanted to type out this stuff). I gave Carly her bottle and put in "Over the Hedge" for Connor.

In my frustration I grabbed a bag of "Flipz" (you know, the white chocolate covered pretzels) and a glass of water and began typing this away. I have, single-handedly, eaten that entire bag of pretzels (now I'm glad I went to the gym this morning, cancels them it's like I didn't go to the gym or eat the pretzels).

Isn't it totally stupid that I got so frustrated. It took me ten minutes to clean everything up. The kids are all happy again and the whole fiasco from start (me coming home) to finish (picking up the mess and getting the kids settled) only took 45 minutes out of my day.

Man, I feel better. Thanks guys. Here's to hoping that you all have had a day like this one too...or that you will. Don't leave me alone in this pity party!


Brooke said...

I've had days like this....I think it's mandatory when you're a mom. Today for us has consisted of barfing kids and doing barfy laundry while trying not to barf myself. :)

Brooke said...

PS: I had to laugh about your pants/socks. You painted a funny picture! I hope your day gets better. And that Abi didn't really eat poop.

Emilee said...

Thanks for the laugh! I love how well you relay stories... they're entertaining! I smiled in my head at daddy's version of 'watching' the kiddos!

All about the Benjamin's said...

O.K. that was so funny! And for what it's worth I think most men do just that "watch the kids", he was watching them like you asked watching them go wild. Atleast you have this blog to read and laugh years to come.

The Reading Armadillo said...

What a day! I'm glad I'm not the only one who has them. I think you handled it like a pro.

Angie said...

I'm with you. I can get soooooo frustrated in a matter of seconds at everybody in the house. I've been trying some breathing techniques and jaw clenching. I've gotten a little better and just keeping my mouth shut when I'm angry with Tyson or Adam. It reminds me of Malcolm in the Middle where he just says nice things when he's thinking really mean things. He ends up in the hospital with a bleeding ulcer.

Live everyday to its fullest said...

Oh dear Mel, You have every right to be frustrated!Poop everywhere is frustrating and gross...I would have done the same thing...AND MEN...When your already down they dont GET that you dont need to be critiqued more! Your already mad at yourself! And on the last note...watching the kids means watching what they do...and once again they dont get that! So yes, be frustrated and yes eat that whole bag a pretzels and vent...and then be thankful for what you have....thats how I work! Love you and miss you!

Heather said...

AH Mel, what a story. I'm SO glad you got that written down and saved for the future. Blogging is the best. You told that so well, and we were all gasping and laughing and feeling frustrated with you. love you.

Miranda said...

You really should think about writing a book. The way you told this story felt like I was there with you. Probably if I check my messages there is one from you venting about this whole thing. Just remember that you will laugh about this in a few days. Oh, and you don't have to rub in how inexpensive it is on the mainland!

Danielle said...

ohhhh that was so funny- You write like that one tv show...How you really feel and then in ( ) how you think you SHOULD be feeling at the time but don't. But when you type it all out- it works itself out.
You should tell your days more often because you just know we are all having days like this sometimes! ha ha it is a breath of fresh (or not so fresh) AIR!!