Connor yelled this phrase at me this morning as I was loading him in the van after a rough moment in time. He learned it from me. I guess it means I have said it to him one time too many. He has also said to me on one occasion or another "stop yelling mom" and "don't be mean, mom."
I have been having one of those moments in motherhood that leaves you blue and playing the "Am I really cut out for this" game.
You know I have three adorable little children ages three and under. Most days are very manageable. Sadly to report, those are the days that we do not venture beyond the sidewalk in front of our house. Yesterday was exhausting.
Todd and I participate in our ward choir and had hesitated taking our own children to church with us knowing full well that we would have to wrangle them during another sacrament meeting in the afternoon. My wonderful mother-in-law offered to come and stay with the kids in the morning while Todd and I attended our own ward meeting and sang "The Battle Hymn of the Republic" with the choir...I love the rendition we sang, you have all probably heard it sung by the MoTab.
When we returned home we got the kids dressed and ready to head out to Lehi for the blessing. The kids did pretty good during sacrament meeting considering the time (1pm...nap time) and we only had to take out the two girls at the very end. Then we left for the luncheon...this is where my frustrations really kicked in.
Connor is a wanderer, Abi is a wanderer, Carly is a cute little blob that can't get too far too fast. But the moment I would find Connor, I had lost Abi and I was running around like a chicken with her head cut off all afternoon. I felt very antisocial and frazzled. Abi was once wandering alone across the fence by the street. Connor was discovered a few times heading deep into the neighborhood he was unfamiliar with.
I have tried to explain to both of them that "if you can't see mommy, you have gone too far." It hasn't sunk in. Did I fail to mention that I was wearing these totally awesome black high heels that are just a tad too small for my feet...but beauty hurts, so I wore them anyway. Maybe that added to my frazzled state of being.
I am mostly venting via blog because I didn't like being the panicked mom and I wonder if any of you have ever felt this way. I didn't like who I was yesterday. I couldn't visit with anyone and the moment I would try to start a conversation I was interrupted by someone letting me know that my child was missing. I know that I must have come off as a complete basket case and a rude person and people were probably thinking in their mind "this woman is crazy...she should really reconsider having any more children. She can barely manage the ones she has got."
I know that because I would have thought the same horrid thought if it was someone else I was watching doing the same thing I was doing. Oh no, I just admitted that I am a judgemental person. With that thought, let me just remind you all that I was going to be the perfect mom until I became one.
Then today Connor was a complete bully to his cousins and we had to leave early. I left in tears. Exhausted and frustrated that I am not the patient, loving, thoughtful, playful, clean, attractive, fit, fun mom I had imagined. It's just a tired mom day I guess.
On a happy note, I am going to go and clean the kitchen, take some pictures and share my most recent decorating experience with you all on the next post. Thanks for bearing with me.