Here I Sit

It is 9:57pm...after the nightly ritual of putting Connor in his Jammies, convincing him to sleep in his own bed and having family prayers, before I could stand up Connor pushed me and said "sit in a chair."

For the last few nights Connor has been unable/unwilling to fall asleep without one of us sitting outside of his door. At first I tried the "put him back in his own bed, everytime he came into our room approach." But that meant that I had to get in and out of my own bed at least two or three dozen times in the night, which then meant with every up and down movement from the bed I had contractions.

So I would stand in his doorway, but my legs would get tired from standing, so I sat on the floor, but he couldn't see me from the bed. However, perched here on this toilet, he can see me just fine.

"A toilet?" You ask. Yes, a toilet. You see, about a month ago the toilet in our main bathroom needed to be replaced so Todd put a new one in. The toilet in the hall is the old one. Living here in Hawaii there is only one day out of each month where you can legally dump things on the side of the curb and the state picks them up. You can find items from toilets, to beds, to tvs...anything. It's just crazy. I'd like to say you can get "good stuff" but let's face it, good stuff here in Hawaii is really lousy, but it gets you through life and it most often times matches the apartment you are living in...dumpy.

I don't know why I sit here. He ends up coming into our bedroom around 1am and he literally kicks me out of my spot and I go to sleep in his bed, because I am just too exhausted to deal with the sadness that ensues when I take him back into his own bedroom. So I have spent the last few nights sleeping in his bed while he sleeps with Todd.

How does Todd feel about all of this? He has no idea any of it is taking place. With all the he is dealing with (moving his work office...which, thankfully, ended yesterday, studying for school, writing papers and doing the laundry) he is too tired to budge or hear anything while he is asleep. It was so funny the first night it happened, he never heard Connor come into our room and asked me why I was asleep in Connor's bed and Connor was in ours.

The other reason I am not nipping this in the bud now is because in a few days, someone is coming to pick up Connor's bed and he will be sleeping in our bed anyway. Why fight this one out. The poor kid has been put through enough already with all of his toys being sold off.

So, needless to say, Todd's poor parents are going to have to hear Connor in all his saddness re-adjust to sleeping in a new room with a different bed when we arrive. They are amazing people who understand what we're going through. They have raised eight decent kids...and none of them still sleep in their parents bed! We won't be doing this forever.

Honestly, I do love having my kids close to me...I would love it even more if they would lay motionless like statues. But when you've got a foot in the face and a knee in your back, you notice them more and you sleep a little less. I'd just like them to be within arms reach, so I can make sure that they are okay.